Welcome to the freedom Fridays project. With me your host, Pete Clark, The Whispers Guy. This is episode nine. And in this podcast I talk about the challenges of making some big changes in your life. And I'm using Friday as a metaphor for moving from having to do certain things to choosing to do certain things.
This week, it's been a messy and murky week, I'll explain later. The first thing I've reflected on is episode nine. And I started this a little bit on a whim, not really knowing, and still not knowing what I'm doing. Nudged by a dear colleague and friend who said, just get on this anchor.fm and just talk. Which is what I did, literally. And here we are in episode nine. If you were listening last week, you'll know that I have an intent and commitment to continue. So here we are in the continuation. But over the last week, it's been, as I said, a messy and murky week. One thing that helped me get through it was connection from one of you who may well be listening, certainly listen to the last one. And he sent me a lot of text to comment on some of the things I've been saying. And resonated with my reflection that my self worth is often linked to a paid client work and he sent me this lovely text back that I'm going to quote. He said that the social proof that a paid client engagement gives us reinforces the fantasy that we tell ourselves that professional efficacy, our own professional efficacy, might just have validity. And I love that! It was like somebody reached out grabbed my head, heart and gut in the same place and gone "Yep, I've got exactly the same". So that was a lovely thing to do. So one of the good things about this random on a whim podcast for me is that occasionally I'll get somebody that perhaps I wasn't expecting and maybe knew of but perhaps wasn't expecting to reach out and connect in ways that I was not expecting. So if you're listening, you know who you are. Thank you so much that made such a difference to me. So the market and messy week that the reason it's been market and messy is I'm familiar with a new movie called Rosabeth moss Kanter, she's pretty significant voice in the world of change management. And she wrote an article about 10 years ago in Harvard Business Review, and it was changes hardest in the middle. And what that's meant for me, and I think it relates to most changes we try and make as we we get inspired, we get motivated, we go through some sort of process. Even if it's simply as simple as a date, you know, Hogmanay or December the 31st, we make new year's resolutions. Or we get the budget to complete a task or we get inspired to dream differently about, you know, moving house, moving countries, moving jobs, doing this, that the other, there's quite a journey to go from the start to the end. And often one stat transient feeling of motivation and inspiration goals, you get stuck in the middle, the middle of the journey, where it's murky and messy and hard, and it's challenging, and you've kind of gone too far from the start to maybe give up and you're so far from the end, it's like you're, you know, the lights going off. There's nothing really feeling like you're making much progress, that inspiration and motivation and all those kind of neural chemicals of good seem to have disappeared, elsewhere. And so the middle, the middle part of the journey kicks in. And that's what last week felt like, for me, it felt like, I'd gone so far from where I started, you know, eight episodes in nine episodes in. But boy, when I read some of the other podcasts that I subscribed to, you know, three figures, four figure numbers, I'm so far. And whilst I've come far, I'm still so far. So it felt like I was in this kind of middle funk. And it always feels a little bit challenging. Whether that's an organisational change or a personal change, you've left the station and the next station is miles down the road and you're kind of in this long, not necessarily winding but there's long, straight road, and it feels really hard.
I found that harder than I really expected. Now, if you came to my house, you'd see you know, dozens of books on inspiration and motivation and lost and all this stuff. And all the content and fully loving it and for me living this at least in some way. Public So you can observe and comment on my progression or not, feels a lot harder than I ever, ever imagined. Maybe there's some, you know, blind faith in that maybe it's better not to know how hard it's going to be. But certainly in the middle of it, it feels really hard. And as someone said to me, you know, years ago, changes easy, said no one. And so it's been quite challenging for me to keep the faith to reinforce some of the good feelings, some of the reasons that I started it in the first place. And that's possibly what's got me through a relatively challenging week, the the inspiration to keep going my commitment to doing what I set out to do, which is a big value for me. Hence, some, sometimes reluctant to commit to things because I know, when I do, it's, that's it almost forever. It got me reflecting on even just the simplicity of, you know, the episodes that I've done so far. And that was a big, big sign of progress. And it reinforced why I was doing it, who I might be doing it for, and the value that they were getting, unbeknownst to either of us, perhaps. And so what I've recognised in, and then seeking examples and evidence of this, that is that those individuals, teams, organisations, families, communities that can Indu can keep going. You know, someone once said to me years ago that if you're going through hell keep going. And so if we can find a way just to keep moving, even just pausing for the breath of glass of water, metaphorically, can you just keep going. And so that's what I've done, I've kept going. And so here we are in episode nine. So that was the main definition and reflection on this week, it's been messy, and marking, challenging and dark, and all of those things, which, which got me reflecting on something else, which is, as a family, we were due to go on holiday, which I know if you're listening to the northern hemisphere as a as a novelty, but being in Australia, things have come down a little bit from a COVID perspective. And so we were due to go on holiday, but there was the singular case of a COVID. And so we had to make the decision about whether to go or not, and ultimately it would have been okay. But we chose not to because of the potential of of me and my son actually having to isolate when we got back. Now, the The reason I'm telling you this is because we all felt a bit gutted, we had been looking forward to it. And we know that looking forward to creates the I guess the neurochemicals of optimism, which have good feeling, and then to have that event and occasion taken from us our choice, but taking from us a robot got it. And yet here we are, in a very much a first world situation, you know, lucky enough to be even going on affording the opportunity to make the choice to go on a holiday. I know many people have got none of those choices. And what I got me thinking about was the temptation to invalidate our own feelings, the temptation to, you know, cover over poopoo the feelings and you know, let's just be positive, about toxic positivity. And so we're very, certainly very clear with my wife that we, whilst we're gutted and disappointed, and whilst it's not a big thing in perspective, and it's so first of all problem, it shouldn't invalidate as feeling a little bit yucky, a little bit blur for for a day or so. And so that actually helped me with the mucky, messy week that I've had in that. Part of me the I guess the optimist, the person has been doing all of this material on motivation and inspiration for 20 odd years, I would say, Pete, here's the strategy. Here's the three steps to this the
seven, seven Practical Guide to doing this differently. That shouldn't invalidate the feeling that I have. And whilst I'm not going to dwell, that I'm not going to live in this state of gutted or disappointment, in validating it actually probably sinks it beneath the surface, which then it's hard then to calibrate and hard then to do something with. So I wonder if that's something for you to ponder on yourself as you go through some big challenges and changes are you conscious of the middle and how difficult the middle can be and then display The feelings not to necessarily invalidate those feelings with toxic positivity and just being positive for being positive sake. And the third thing I'll share with you, that also got me thinking and looking into something called desirability bias. So our desire to look good, whether it's in response online, whether it's in a group situation, when asked a challenging or simple question, our desire to look good socially, in front of others, perhaps denies us really being willing to express what's going on. And if I reflect on the journey I've gone on over the last nine episodes, there's there certain groups, situations, individuals that I feel more and more comfortable with, in sharing my true feelings about this, that or the other, the good ones in there, lots of good ones. And yet, there is definitely a desirability bias on my behalf of in other company, I just wouldn't say a thing. I would remain stoic, or at least present as stoic. I'd remain optimistic and the kind of person that I presume, this fantasy that I tell myself that they want me to be. And so I uphold that image in my mind that I think they want of me. And whilst I think that's okay, some of the time, maybe not all of the time. So I'm really grateful that I've got a number of outlets where I can fully express if I can even articulate it, what's going on in my head, what's going on in my heart, which just lays it out in front of me puts it on the table that puts it in the passenger seat, not the driver seat, which our phone is a really good if not metaphor strategy to help me deal with some of the the complex things that show up in the work that I do. So that's it for this week, a messy marquee week, talking about counters, mucky, feel your messy bit in the middle of change, being able to express what's going on without invalidating your feelings and this concept of desirability bias. Thanks for listening again, if you've got any feedback, it's my fuel helped me get better. Please, please let me know and I'll look forward to sharing with you on episode 10. Cheers.
