#236

That moment when someone reacts to you and you think, “That’s not what I meant.”

Or when feedback lands sideways and you’re left quietly confused.

How did they make that meaning from what I said?

It happens regularly for most of us.

All the time in fact.

It happens in meetings.

In conversations.

In relationships.

In families.

In leadership.

And most of the time, we move on without naming it.

But underneath that moment is a hidden pattern we rarely slow down enough to notice:

People experience your intention softly. 

But how your behaviour interacts with their identity creates the impact for them.

And when there’s a gap between the two, misunderstanding grows.

You might be misunderstood as distant, when you’re actually thinking deeply.

As confident, when you’re quietly unsure.

As intense, when you simply care.

As calm, when you’re holding a lot inside.

Over time, these misunderstandings can quietly shape how people relate to you and how you relate to yourself.

Here’s a gentle reframe.

Instead of asking, “Why don’t they get me?”

What if the more powerful question is: “What do people misunderstand about me?”

Not as a self-criticism.

Not as a branding exercise.

But as an act of curiosity.

Because awareness gives you choice.

Choice about what to clarify.

What to soften.

What to name.

And what to let go of needing to correct.

A few questions to sit with:

> When have I been surprised by how someone experienced me?

> What feedback keeps repeating, even if I don’t fully agree with it?

> Where might I be ‘hinting’ and relying on others to guess what I mean

You don’t need to explain yourself to everyone.

And you don’t need to contort yourself to be perfectly understood.

But you do get to decide where understanding matters.

Sometimes growth isn’t about changing who you are.

It’s about closing the gap between who you are inside and how you’re experienced on the outside.