choices freedom fridays podcast episode 72 featuring calvin chilchik life's obstacles ryan holiday - the obstacle is the way May 22, 2023
You can’t see from here what you can see from there

Welcome to Whisper #102.

You can’t see from here what you can see from there

Recently one of my kids faced an impossible choice. I won’t share the details but suffice to say that either choice wasn’t a pleasant one. Let’s call them A & B for the purpose of this post.

If they delayed choosing option A the opportunity would disappear. If they proactively chose option A it would have numerous known and unknown consequences.

Choosing to do nothing made option B inevitable which didn’t feel great either. But if they chose B intentionally then option A becomes harder and harder to make happen.

You can imagine the challenge in trying to make an impossible choice when all you want to do is have someone or something else make the decision for you.

Each of the choices were diluted with emotional, mental well-being, financial, work, family, and relationship factors. For days they swung between options trying to work out which was the ‘least worst option’. For days they toggled between this way or that influenced by sleep, fresh air, tv viewing, conversations, etc. They just couldn’t make a choice.

Here's what helped – They took a small step in one direction without overly committing and noticed what happened. Because it was a small step they could always step back or step over to the other choice. In taking the small step though it did a couple of things

1. Gave them an increased sense of agency and control

2. Allowed the obstacles to reveal themselves

So, they took a small step. And yes the obstacles appeared as if by magic. It’s like the obstacles were secretly hiding around the corner waiting for the choice to be made! We couldn’t see them from our point of indecision. The obstacles only came to light when we took a step. We could now see from here what we couldn’t see from there.

Something else happened too – in taking the small step it gave them a sense of agency and control which was the fuel and motivation that helped them overcome the obstacles. The obstacles, whilst not insurmountable, served to test the desire and motivation to continue down this particular path.

The whisper – when you are in a place of indecision and faced with an impossible choice try these options.

1. Take a small step in a particular direction – notice how you feel in taking the step and what happens as a consequence.
- What obstacles, if any, show up?
- What do the obstacles do for your desire, motivation and agency?
- Can you find a way around the obstacles?
- Are the obstacles so big that the other option now feels different/better?

2. If you keep going, consider how you’d handle the opposite choice.
- How do you feel about the other choice not being an option anymore?
- Notice what happens in your mind and body as you consider the options?
- As you make progress towards one of the options how do you start to feel/think?

So, if you really can’t make a decision and are faced with an impossible choice take a small step and notice what reveals itself. Because you can’t see from here what you can see from there… it might be an entirely different view.

You’ll have far better luck toughening yourself up, than you ever will trying to take the teeth out of a world that is, at best, indifferent to your existence”

Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle Is The Way

The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday: Book Summary, Key Lessons and Best Quotes

28 Exceptional Quotes from The Obstacle Is The Way: Quotes

The Strive - 50 Inspirational Quotes

Question of the week:

What’s the obstacle in your way teaching you about your desire, motivation, and choice?

Once we make a choice to move in a certain direction often we face an obstacle. It can be small, large, avoidable, insurmountable, known, unknown, predictable, unpredictable, easily navigated… and any other narrative you decide 😊

The point being that the obstacle will help inform the level of your desire and motivation to continue on that path. Once you have taken a step towards something from a point of indecision there will be things that get in the way… of course, otherwise it would have been easy!

What is it telling you about your choice? Your desire? Your willingness to keep doing what you are doing to make progress towards your goal?

Quote of the week:
No matter how small the step, forward is forward - Mel Robbins

Even if it’s backward or sideways it’s still movement. Movement and momentum are what illuminate the way forward. You can’t see from here what you can see from there.

Freedom Fridays Podcast, Episode 72 Featuring Calvin Chilchik

In Episode 72 Pete chats with Calvin Chilchik, Head of Club of United Business Sydney.

Moving from South Africa to Australia as a 14-year-old boy brought all sorts of challenges and Calvin shares how some of those experiences have shaped his life. Bouncing between a music career, university, retail stores, and now a business owner Calvin encourages us to ‘do the daunting stuff' and what it's taught him.

From triggers that shifted his identity, building belief in himself, to gratitude for the sacrifice his parents made in moving their family across the world, Pete and Calvin explore some of the challenges in owning and running a business; what it’s like to lead a team as an entrepreneur; believing in others; and overcoming the normal fears that show up when doing the daunting stuff.


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